surviving a speech

Speeches are terrifying.  It's a scientific fact.  I know so, because I just recently did one in my english class - and was terrified.  Not just me, though.  I can easily say that almost every kid who stepped to the front of the class, no matter how sociable or confident, was shaking in agony.  

With that, here's how to get through one!

1. Prioritize

Take a look at what else is on your to-do list.  If you've got a unit test on the same day as your speech, study for it first.  While this speech may seem more mountainous than a 50 question formative, it definitely isn't.  

Plus, if you decide to devote ALL of your time to thinking about this speech, you will go insane.  That is also a scientific fact.

2. Practice.  In intervals.

A five minute speech can be memorized in a day.  Heck, it can be memorized in half an hour.  Just make sure you memorize it.  This can be done once after breakfast, once at lunch, and once before dinner.  

With your speech memorized, there is little opportunity to mess up.  

3. Technique!  Technique!

There are many little techniques for getting over anxiety a minute before the speech.  Try whichever of these seems appealing:

-   Do not think once of your peers, or make eye contact with them.  Look directly beyond their heads and to the nice flat wall.  You are alone in this room.  

-   Look at your best friend in the class.  They're easier to talk to.

-   Think of it this way: what you're telling the class is important.  They should know it.  Make sure they do.

-   Tell the class you're nervous, just as you stand up.  Now you don't have to hide it.  Everything is on the table.

-   Stand with your arms out behind your chest, and take a deep breath.  Exhale in "T" sounds (tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh)

4. Just know:

You have no choice but to give this speech.  You must finish it.  You will feel so amazing when it's over, and you might even feel like doing it again.  Giving a speech is kind of like bringing up the courage to ride a roller coaster.  If you do it, you're a courageous warrior.  

This is me giving my first speech in the third grade, by the way.  I am not some ancient speech master, who spoke greatly at the tender age of nine.  I am just reminding us all that speeches are A PART OF US.  We hafta deal with them.

how to have a proper bike ride

Rule #1: don't forget to pack lunch

Try a juice box, apple sauce, and sandwich of your choice - all in a paper bag.  Decorate before leaving.

Rule #2: see this?

Dance on it.

Rule #3: trees are for making poses between

Rule #4: stop at the best park you can possibly find

Eat here, but don't forget to play on the playground.

clay foods, and you

If you've taken a good long look at my diagram above, you now know that tiny clay models of food are irresistible.  Part of their excitability comes in making them.  There are polymer clay food cookbooks in bookstores.  There is also a huge DIY culture that surrounds their making.  

I got wrapped up in this trend when I was in seventh grade, when I saw my first tutorial video on Youtube.  It went something like this:

"So today we're going to be making this very cute tiny hamburger out of polymer clay..." in a nasally, pre-pubescent girl voice.  I could listen to those things for hours, until a drool formed on my lips and I fell into a sleep-like state.

I made my own tutorial as a form of re-visiting this old past time, and found myself making more and more cupcakes after I was done with the first forty-eight.  Just kidding, I've only made nine.  They make great charms.  I recommend slipping them into the pockets of that cute boy/girl at school, which will guarantee you their love.

** bake polymer clay (found at Michael's, in little squares) at 275 degrees for 15 minutes

community moment: nude figure drawing class

My upperclassmen art class peers are anything but enthusiastic - except for when it comes to this nude figure drawing class.  At least once a week, they act as lobbyists for attending this five-dollar, Wednesday night class in the middle of the city.  "Gonna come?  Gonna come?" we hear from their twisted smiles.  At first it was absurd.  What was so great about this little out-of-our-way weekly event?

Spring break offered us our chance to attend, though.  While my friends and I were at the mall, we ran in to a girl who soon urged us, once more, to come.  It was Wednesday.  We were together.  We would try to go.

First, let me emphasize how miraculous it was that we found the place, which was located in the attic of an old church.  We climbed four flights of stony stairs to get to the home of the legendary figure drawing class, but also the literal home of the man who runs it.

It was small and warm, but most of all I remember the soft classical music that floated through the air without a source.  I still have no idea where those speakers were.  Cookies were prominently displayed before the door to THIS room:

Even smaller than the seating area was the space in which a 20-something model posed for 30-something people, drawing elbow-to-elbow.  It was quiet, and at this point the air felt heavy and sleepy.  

I must discuss my emotions: while settling into a small chair and accepting the oddness that is staring at a naked body among many strangers, I clicked into a state of eternal safeness.  I felt safe.  I felt that I would be safe FOREVER.  I felt good.  To add to this, my buddy next to me is not a drawer.  She doesn't do it often, but came anyway, and told me it was an equally amazing experience.  

Drawing, for anyone, was an act of meditation, in this environment.

So here's what I drew:

 

She had a huge hickey on her collarbone.

spring break slump: OVER

Only apply that to your spring break boredom.  I present you with the meanest, most straightforward way to shock your mind out of a slump.
CHORES ACTION ADVENTURE CHALLENGE

Begin by listing every teeny little chore you've had hovering in the back of your mind on a sheet of paper - as fast as you can, of course.  You might end up with something a bit like this:

Then go.  Turn on some circus music and sprint through your house as though it would collapse if you didn't run.  Slap on some flip flops and get out the door like your life's mission is to deliver the mail.  Hum loudly as you fold clothes, because gosh darn, you will check this off your list.

Your heart will be pumping.  You will feel alive.  After three tasks, the fog will be lifted, your mind stripped of its boredom.  Go until the end.  Go until you are longing for a moment with an ice cream bar.  Go until lying on the couch with a book sounds nice, because it's a very worthy pastime for your spring break afternoon.  It just took a little while to realize it.

what to do with a very attractive morning

Stretch outside in nature's warm glowing glow of sunshine.  This is especially fun if you know you're doing sun salutations, a fancy name for poses like this.

Fix breakfast on your nastiest cookie tray (the one you never wash because it's probably good for the metal or something).  Lay a piece of cloth over it and add plates.  You can draw on your food like I did, but it's best to fix a nice hearty breakfast.  Orange juice in a teacup and strawberry jam - mmm!

 
If you eat while you're outside, you get to listen to the birdies and feel the texture of nature - grass and dirt and concrete.  Morning dog-walkers will pass you by.  A gentle breeze will caress your messy hair (brushed hair defeats the purpose of this spontaneity).
Also:

Have a wonderful morning :)